Mark Twain, 1835-1910

I dedicate this to Mark Twain, the humorist who has delighted millions with words.
Title themes I have added as I see fit.  

'Shaping': Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but

coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

Credit: It takes a thousand men to invent a telegraph, or a steam engine, or a phonograph,or a photograph, or a telephone or any other important thing – and the last man gets the credit and we forget the others. He added his little mite – that is all he did. These object lessons should teach  that ninety-nine parts of all things that proceed from the intellect are plagiarisms, pure and simple; and the lesson ought to make us modest. But nothing can do that.

Letter (17 March, 1903) to Helen Keller, after she had been accused of plagiarism for one of her

early stories,

Modesty: I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because

they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself.

Innocence: We haven’t all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven’t all been generals,

or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.

Normalcy: Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they
escaped teething.

Sanity: The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Evolution: The only reason why God created man was because he was disappointed with
the monkey.

Ethics: When in doubt, tell the truth.

Infinity: Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean thirty years.

Definition: A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.

Citing a schoolchild from “English as She Is Taught.” 

Evidence: Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Empathy: By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean.

Trust: A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.